A customer of mine sent me this story...maybe true, may not be true, but its hilarious. I've now taken to calling my boss on our other lines and using this on him. It really lightens the mood here at the shop...
"Now get this, I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered I needed to make a phone call. I found the number and dialed it...A man answered politely saying 'hello', I politely said,'This is Patrick Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?' Suddenly the phone slammed down on me! I could not believe anyone could be so rude! I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her(she transposed the last 2 digits). After I hung up with Robin, I noticed the wrong number still on my desk so I decided to call it again
When the same person once more answered the phone I yelled,'YOU'RE A JACKASS!!' and hung up the phone. Next to his phone number I wrote the name 'JACKASS' and put it in my desk. Every couple of months when I was paying bills or was having a really bad day I would call him up, he'd answer and I would yell 'YOU'RE A JACKASS!' I would always cheer me up..
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID(kind of old, but still funny, read on), this was a real disappointment to me. I would now have to stop calling the 'JACKASS'. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number then heard his voice, 'Hello, I'm (made up name) from the sales office of the telephone company. I was wondering if you're familiar with our caller ID program?'
He said no, and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said,'That's because YOU'RE A JACKASS!!'
The reason I tell you this story is to let you know that if anything is ever bothering you, just dial xxx-4863(number removed to protect the JACKASS). [Keep reading, it gets better yet]
This old lady at the mall took her time pulling out of the only parking spot at the place. I didn't think she was going to ever leave. Finally her car slowly began to move and she very slowly backed out of the spot. I backed up more to give her plenty of room to get out. Suddenly this black Camaro came flying out of nowhere, up the aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling,'You just can't do that buddy! I was here first!!' The guy climbed out of his car and completely ignored me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy is a JACKASS! and there are a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a 4-sale sign in the window. So, I wrote down the number!!
A couple days later, I was at home sitting at my desk. I had just got off the phone after calling xxx-4863 and yelling,'YOU'RE A JACKASS!!'(its really easy to call now that I have his number on speed dial). I then noticed the number of the guy with the black Camaro and thought, I had better call this guy too.
After a few rings a guy answered an I said, 'Is this the guy with the Camaro for sale?'
'Yes it is'
'Can you tell me where I can see it?' I said.
'Yes, I live at 1802 W. 34th street, its a yellow house and the car is parked right out front'
'What's your name?'
'My name is Don Hansen,' he said.
'When is a good time to catch you Don?'
'I'm always home in the evenings'
'Listen Don,' I said, 'can I tell you something?'
'Yes,' he said.
'Don, YOU'RE A JACKASS!!!' and I slammed the phone down.
For a while things seemed to get much better for me, when I was having a bad day, I now had 2 JACKASSES to call!! After several months of just calling them up and yelling,'YOU'RE A JACKASS!!' I got bored. SO.....I came up with a solution...
I called Jackass No. 1 and a man nicely answered the phone saying,'Hello?', I yelled, 'YOU'RE A JACKASS!!' but did not hang up. The Jackass then said, 'Are you still there?' I said,'Yeah'
'Stop calling me!!!'
I said,'No f-ing way!!'
He said,'Whats your name!'
'Don Hansen', I replied.
'Where do you live Don?!?!' he asked.
'I live at 1802 w. 34th St., its a yellow house and my black Camaro is parked out front.'
'I'm coming over there right now! You had better start saying your prayers Don, cuz I'm gonna kick your ass!!' he said.
'Yeah, like I'm really scared you JACKASS!!' and hung up the phone.
Then I called JACKASS No. 2
'Hello,' he said.
'Hello JACKASS,' I said.
'If I ever find out who you are,' he said. 'You'll what?!' I said.
'I'll kick your ass!!'
'Well,' I said,'here's your chance cuz I'm coming over right now JACKASS!!'
Then I picked up the phone and called the plice, I told them that I heard threats that a guy was going to kill hes gay lover that was cheating on him when he got home. The address is 1802 W. 34th St., then made another quick call to channel 13 news about the gang war that was going on at the same address, then I headed to 182 w 34th St. to watch. GLORIOUS!!!! Watching 2 JACKASSES kicking each other's ass was ne of the greatest experiences of my life.."
Now, don't you want to call someone and yell JACKASS!!!!!!
